


i'm scared (i've never fallen from quite this high)

by aldraledia



Category: The Worst Witch (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hicsqueak, I hope not, Two witches in love, a lot of what ifs in the summary, annoying male, bear with me, hasn't that plot already been written, hecate really IS panicking/losing control, i suck at summaries thanks, sorry about all that angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-03-05 15:57:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18831883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aldraledia/pseuds/aldraledia
Summary: Hecate has to go to the yearly conferences of the "Potion Mastery of Great Britain". She was surprised when Pippa told her she would be there as well. It would be more bearable to have her by her side...But what if Pippa didn't come, or she came, only with someone else? That would make Hecate want to go home as quickly as she could after the conference. Then again, what if she can't?Title from Billie Eilish, ocean eyes (just because I was listening to that)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote four chapters because I was in a sudden writing mood, don't know if I ever will finish the story, or I could if someone wants to hehe. Plus it's actually 3 o'clock and I want to sleep ?  
> Bear with my mistakes, English isn't my mother tongue. But I'd be happy to do any correction/suggestion you offer about it :-)

As soon as she dismounted her broom, Hecate looked around. She had been quite surprised to hear Pippa saying she would be coming with her to the Potion Mastery of Great Britain conference, seeing as Pippa herself had no interest in being there. _Maybe she finally got back to her senses and decided not to come_ , thought Hecate as she saw Pippa wasn’t anywhere around. It didn’t matter so much to her, as she was as good being there alone. At least that’s what she thought, the pinching in her heart being too familiar to even matter now.

She went to the entrance of the building, following the crowd. It was an old Victorian building, probably a house back in the time, now used for conferences and parties. The main hall only was big enough to contain hundreds of people, majestic staircases leading to the first floor. At the back of the house was a big garden, very well cared for. At the other end of the way were a greenhouse and a small path leading to the forest behind.

Knowing the house already, Hecate went to the conference room, seeking a seat. She had arrived later than she had planned to, having been delayed by a bunch of the second years who had thought it would be funny to pull a prank to Miss Bat, the joke resulting in a very frightened Gwen and a dozen students in detention. That delay meant she had to take a seat in the back, as she scoffed as she sat three rows from the back of the room.

Just as she was going to take out a notebook and a pen, she heard a small laugh and a man talking. It wouldn’t have startled her normally, but she knew that laugh. _It was Pippa’s_. Her head jolted up to see if it was really her. She scanned the room, and her eye finally caught on a flash of pink. She smiled to herself, just slightly, still happy that Pippa did finally come. Her smile faded away pretty quickly though, as she saw the man talking to her. He was facing the stage, so Hecate couldn’t see who it was, but his hand was on Pippa’s arm, and his animated figure moves, signifying laughter, small talk, and -worst of all- proximity. His hands constantly touching Pippa, his head coming close to her as if he didn’t want to be heard. The closeness really looked like… _intimacy_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What should I say? What could I say? Not taking any responsibilities.  
> Wow, it's actually a very small chapter... Maybe I should've made it into a one-shot... Maybe

The conference started, and Hecate did half listen to the speech -something about the importance of herbs-, half looked at the pair, as they seemed to enjoy themselves more by talking together than listening to the woman talking in the front. Hecate finally disregarded them -or again, her mind did-, as she listened intensely to the end of the conference.

As it was the opening one, the first of the weekend, it was also the only one of this evening. As soon as it ended, everyone clapped, and Mrs Greenstone informed everyone about the small buffet taking place in the main hall. Again, Hecate followed the crowd movement. She would have liked to wait for everyone to go out before moving, but she was at the end of a row, and she would only bother people trying to get out. As she never liked crowds, she just wanted to go out, go home, but she, unfortunately, had a very important matter to discuss with Mrs Greenstone.

She sighed, knowing it would take a lot of time, as everyone wanted to talk to Mrs Greenstone too, asking her about futile things, like the program, or just wanting to have news. Hecate wasn’t really interested in small talk; merely did she understand why everyone seemed to like that so much. She so wandered around, allowed herself to take a glass of wine on a tray, and looked around. Pippa was nowhere to be seen, but she surely was somewhere, the people probably just hiding her. Hecate detailed a few guests. They were all fancily dressed, showing their best look. Hecate, true to herself, wore black, like always. There were a few details that changed from her everyday outfit -the dress was looser at its end, it had a rounded collar, and some lacy decorations- but one needed to know her very well to even notice anything.

Her eyes followed Mrs Greenstone, as she was going around, seeking for an opportunity to jump in the talk and finally go away. Gail Greenstone was a woman in her fifties, with brown hair and eyes. She was quite smaller than Hecate, and a very good antithesis: the wrinkles around her eyes, showing happiness, a smiley face, a penchant for socialization. She always put her hair in a bun, though looser than Hecate’s, the hairdo is only practical, as Gail was a botanist, the best of her generation, and a thus an also very good potion mistress. She just had to wait a bit more…


	3. Chapter 3

Hecate finally saw her opportunity, after ten minutes. Gail was starting to get out of a conversation with a small group of noisy women -which Hecate was sure wasn’t there to hear anything related to potions- and going back in the crowd. She quickly and effortlessly joined her and saw a smile dancing on her face as she saw Hecate coming to her.

“Hecate, well met” she started, bowing with her hand on her forehead. Hecate responded back swiftly. “What can I do for you? Are you enjoying the night? How did you find the opening conference?”

As much as the witch did know before what she wanted to say, the flow of questions startled her, and she stuttered slightly as she responded, “Well, I… It was pretty great… As always, you’ve surpassed yourself, Gail. I actually wanted to ask…”. Unfortunately, Gail seemed more inclined to ask her questions Hecate found foolish and unimportant but felt she was obliged to answer. Also not helping, Gail was constantly stopped in her track to greet someone, be praised about some organisation, smiling, always smiling. Before she knew it, they were out on the balcony.

“Sorry about all that fuss, Hecate” Gail apologized, “As I’m the planner, I have a lot of people to talk to…”. She laughed. “Well, now that we are out and unbothered, what is the matter you wanted to talk about?”

“Ah yes, well. It about the conference I’m doing…” as Hecate talked about how it would take place, what she needed, asked why she had to change rooms, she saw Gail being gently directed away from the conversation, focus on something else. Still, Hecate continued to talk, until she was simply cut by Gail.

“Look! Down there! It seems like someone’s not getting home alone tonight” she giggled. Hecate rolled her eyes -she didn’t see how it was somewhat interesting-, but as Gail didn’t even seem to listen to anything else, she turned to see the couple. The woman was in the shadow, making it impossible for Hecate to identify her, but the man was lighted by the moon only, as they were on the far left. She frowned to look at him.

“I seem to know him, at least I know I’ve seen him somewhere else. Who’s…” she started, being once again interrupted by a very animated Gail, trying also to see who the couple was.

“It’s… Well… Oh!” she exclaimed, “it’s David Dreadwood. He’s always where everyone is, he’s also a member of the council, as his family is very wealthy. I think he’s as much there to maintain his rank as to get every woman he can into his bed” Gail said, sounding vaguely irritated. “Looks like it’ll be one more of them tonight” she sighed. “I’m curious to see if I know the woman, but I can’t…”

As if she heard her, she stepped out of the shadow, looking rather animated. The couple was very close, almost looked like they were going to kiss. Hecate squinted to see the woman, pitying the poor thing who was dull enough to fall in that trap, who was… Her heart stopped. She felt her glass break, shattering in her hand -and this time surely feeling her heart shatter too-, fragments harshly cutting her palm. She could only halfway hear Gail as she was saying things like “… isn’t that Pippa Pentangle… she’s your good friend, no?... poor thing… I thought she would be… Hecate?... your glass…”

She looked down at her hand, blood running from it, falling on the ground. She managed to excuse herself, before almost running back inside, down the stairs, looking for an escape. She had too… She saw she couldn’t get out by the main entrance as it was too crowded, she turned to see the door leading to the garden. It would mean potentially be seen by Pippa, but she had to go out, she couldn’t… If she stayed in longer, she would end up hurting someone, and she ran through the gardens as she heard her father’s voice, _of course, you’ll end up hurting someone like you did hurt your mother… Like you always do…_


	4. Chapter 4

As soon as Pippa had dismounted her broom, coming earlier than she would get to talk to Hecate, she heard a very well-known voice greeting her. She closed her eyes briefly and turned to see David Dreadwood smiling at her. The Dreadwoods were a wealthy family living in the neighbourhood of the Pentangles estate. Mr Dreadwood was Pippa’s father colleague back then, and her father had gathered both families multiple times for lunch. Pippa had always been the social kind, and it hadn’t startled her, not until David, their son, hit adolescence and started courting her.

She wouldn’t have minded, if David wasn’t such a misogynist, sufficient man, almost claiming Pippa, just because she was only being polite. Since then, he stopped on the idea he would get her to marry him, something Pippa wouldn’t do for all the money in the world. She hadn’t thought much about love until then, and the 30 years being heartbroken only made her realize one thing: as much as she had lovers before, male or female, no one would ever replace the gap Hecate left. She knew it wouldn’t ever be a thing, and she was glad she at least got her back in her life. But still, her heart wasn’t full.

She smiled back to David, always polite, and greeted him. She thought small talk would get him to go away, but he followed her inside. She thought for one second as he stopped to talk to someone that she would be alone, but as soon as she sat on a chair in the room, in the third row, putting her bag on a seat next to her for Hecate, she heard his hideous laugh and saw him walk to her again.

“Is this seat taken? Or is it for me?” he asked, and winked. Pippa shivered and was quick to respond she waited for Hecate. “Who? Hecate… Hecate Hardbroom? Why would you sit next to Hardbroom? She’s just… cold and uncharismatic, whereas me…” he smiled. He then took Pippa’s bag down and sat next to her. He then started to talk to her, touching her, like he always did, but Pippa wasn’t listening. _Hecate was far from cold, when you knew her_ , she wanted to say, _and she’s probably the most charismatic and beautiful woman -person- of this whole room, David_. She opened her mouth to say something, only to be taken aback. David was closer to her than he ever was, and whispered with his unpleasant voice in her ear, “what are you thinking about?”. Pippa tried to calm down, she really did, even starting to talk to her other neighbour, but he didn’t let her go.

As soon as the conference ended, she quickly rose and went out, losing him in the crowd. She was stopped by people she knew, forced to greet people saying “you really look like your mother”, and as much as she was proud to look like her, she just wanted to go as far as she could from David Dreadwood. Her eyes wandered, looked around for Hecate, and she tried to hide in groups, faking conversations.

She suddenly saw Hecate, talking to a woman who looked like Gail Greenstone. The witch looked beautiful, as she always did. Pippa noticed she had a new dress, it made her look more and more like a goddess, and Pippa could only fall more in than she already was. They were going up the stairs, and Hecate seemed somewhat annoyed. She was going to join her, but she then saw David coming from the other side. She quickly turned, trying to avoid him, and started walking faster as she heard him calling her. _Hell no_. She found an exit to the gardens, and almost ran to the end of it, going to hide in the shadows. Stopping, she breathed deeply. She desperately needed air, and as much as she liked people, she wasn’t pleased when someone was following her like that. Her dress hasn’t made the escape any easier, as she had chosen a quite tight one.

Again, she heard footsteps behind her, and prayed to all the goddesses she could remember the name of that the person coming wasn’t David Dreadwood. Unfortunately, no one had seemed to hear her, as she felt him coming, heard his harsh breathing, smelled his heavy scent. She was starting to say something, coming out of the shadows to -maybe- finally confront him, but was cut as he forcefully took her arm, almost hurting her, threw a hand on her back, clearly too low to be even considered innocent, and whispered in her ear: “Pippa, oh Pippa… You know you can’t go away… whatever you do, I will get you… you can’t run.”

Pippa desperately tried to get out of his embrace, but he was holding her so tightly she couldn’t do anything. He was still talking, and she suddenly turned her head, seeing Hecate almost running to the forest. Running wasn’t Hecate-like at all, and she really looks pale, paler than…

“What are you looking at, Pentangle? Look at me!” said David as he turned to see Hecate, “her again!” he shouted. “She’s always there when she shouldn’t. Why do you keep pitying her, Pippa? She’s a lost cause. She won’t even find a husband, no one would want her. And she wouldn’t want a good husband, like the dyke she is…”

That was enough for Pippa. Her rage exploded, and the wave of her powers hit David, making him stumble back, finally letting Pippa run free. She looked at him, only fire burning in her eyes. She murmured a quick spell, and David found himself tied to a column. She looked at him again. “You are disgusting,” she shouted at his face, “you’re the most horrible being I’ve ever encountered. I will never marry you, ever! And Hecate’s my… friend, don’t you dare say anything like this about her! She allowed to…”. And then it hit her. Hecate was… was she…? “Hecate’s allowed to love whoever she wants, regardless of anything! Actually… actually,” she stumbled on her last words, “I’m allowed to love whoever I want, and guess what? I love her, and anything you could do won’t change that. Not ever.”

That being said, she started running to the forest to find Hecate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well, well... Tell me what you think about it because I haven't written the other chapters actually eh


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooooo sorry I haven't been updating that fic (and it's the only fic I have rn *facepalm*). But here it is, a chapter. I post that by small parts, sorry for that, but there we are  
> Oh and TW: mentions of past abuse, but not really graphic... I hope ?

Hecate decided she had to go through the gardens, being her only escape left. She stumbled across the people staying outside, as it was a rather warm night. Some of them gave her an interested gaze, but she knew they were only interested in knowing what gossip had put her in that state. They didn’t know anything. It was bigger than that. She tried to keep a semblance of composure, but her mask was rapidly falling down, revealing the real Hecate. Hecate Hardbroom, who they thought was a cold, antipathic but very intelligent potions mistress, well, Hecate wasn’t that. She was… _not even a witch, barely a creature incapable of holding her powers,_ had said her father. That was the reason she needed to hurry up.

Passing by, she didn’t see Pippa with the man, nor how she was trying to get him off her so she could breathe. Instead, she just paced up, almost running now. She wouldn’t hurt anyone. Not this time.

Hecate was now running through the forest, as fast as she could, never stopping. She just wanted to go as far away as possible from the crowd, knowing what was going to happen. The forest was darkened by the fallen night, and yet, the moon seemed to have pitied Hecate, following her, opening a path so she wouldn’t fall on some root. Suddenly, she heard a crack. She felt her dress open, forcing her to stop. She turned back, seeing the bottom of it had been stuck on a wild rosebush, and her movement made the dress cracking up to the top of her thigh.

She was approaching her hand from the bush when it suddenly ignited. She jolted back, surprised by the sudden outburst of her magic. _Was it already that far gone?_ It made her slightly panic, knowing that unconscious spell was the beginning of something she hadn’t expected to happen that fast. She looked around her, listening for any noise. She still heard the crowd lightly talking. She was still too close to them, they would hear, they would come, get hurt, or worst, killed. She had to continue. She turned back, peering into the woods, and started running again, in the direction she thought would lead her the furthest from anyone.

She felt it rising, her magic, rising and rising. It controlled her running, she felt as if she wasn’t even putting any effort into it. She almost literally floated above the ground, avoiding any obstacle so naturally, where she would usually have trouble even walking. Her dress was now floating around her, like a veil following her. She burst in a clearing and stopped. The moon and the stars were still there, watching her, watching over her, like she always -childishly- believed they were. She could name them all one by one, without hesitation. She knew all about them, the stars, the planets. She used to watch them when she felt overemotional, or whether she felt the panic rising. But this time, it wouldn’t do. She looked around.

Finally, Hecate was alone, she could let it all out. She stumbled on her feet, starting to feel her magic taking the lead. If she remembered well, she hadn’t an outburst like that in a while. More than twenty, no, thirty years ago. She knew these outbursts, they were powerful, deadly at worst. She also remembered the first one she had. Well, it probably wasn’t the first one, but it was the story she had heard over and over again.

Her mother had been sick, very sick. Hecate was little, she hadn’t understood why she wouldn’t come out of her bed and play with her. And then, one day, her mother had died. That day, her father wouldn’t let her come into the room, and he had locked himself in. After a while of Hecate complaining, he had burst out, shouting to Hecate her mother was dead, and she wouldn’t come back. Never. Then he had taken her by the wrist, dragging her down the stairs. That was when it happened. He suddenly let go of her and looked at his hand. They had been burned lightly. Then the piece of furniture behind him had ignited. He had turned, then back at Hecate. It was where it all started.

After that, she had had a few other ones, but her father controlled them, conditioning her in stopping to show her powers. _They aren’t witches’ powers_ , he had said, _they are the ones of a vile creature_. Then her outbursts stopped. But she could clearly remember the last one she had. It had been at school, a few days before a broomstick display, she would have to do. She was in Pippa’s room, as she had been for a while since she met her. She usually went to her own room to study, but since she met the pink witch, she had been spending her Wednesday afternoon talking with her. That afternoon, they had been sat next to each other, Hecate reading a book, when Pippa had asked:

“Hiccup?”

“Mhhh”, she had mumbled, deep into reading.

“Do you love anybody?”

Hecate had risen her head so fast her neck had made a weird noise. “I…”, she started. She didn’t know what to answer. It was still so early, she was still so young, but she had felt something in her heart, yes. “Well, you could say so.”

Pippa had then squeaked and turned to her, fully committed to finding who it was. “Oooooh”, she had said, “don’t tell me who…”. She had then risen to her feet, slightly jumping around the room. Hecate had found her behaviour a bit overexaggerated. Yes, Hecate Hardbroom wasn’t known for her exiting social life, but still. It didn't matter that much. But then, Pippa had been throwing names, just like that. “Is it… is it Magnus Thornheart? Jorah Wolfmoon?” and so on. To all those names, Hecate had slightly moved her head right and left. And then Pippa had sighted. “But… but how? I literally just listed the name of every boy in this castle, and you acknowledged not one of them, how is that even possible?”

Hecate had smiled, just so slightly, and in a moment of pure innocence and trust, she had quietly started, “It… it is because I’m not… boys, well… they don’t… I don’t think…”. She hadn’t known how to say it, how to express that she hadn’t ever felt anything for boys. Pippa had seemed lost for a while, frowning. But then, she had understood. Her mouth had formed an “o” and she had squeaked again. She had started asking a number of questions, like _how did you know?_ or _so which girl is it?_ , and that was when Hecate knew she shouldn’t have said that. Because she knew who, but couldn’t tell her, not ever.

And then, she had felt her heart deflating. She had excused herself and had run back to her room, to avoid her magic from hurting Pippa. She had then locked herself in her room and closed her eyes as she felt her magic taking over. _What would she do now? Burn something?_ She had hoped her father wouldn’t find about it. She had braced herself and had suddenly heard Pippa knocking. She had asked what was happening, and as Hecate opened her mouth, she had felt a bolt coursing through her veins. That had made her scream, something she wouldn’t have done if she had kept her mouth shut. Her magic wouldn’t hurt her, but then, her father messing with it had made her feel every outburst like a punishment. A reminder she was a monster.

It was then Pippa had managed to open the door and run to her. Hecate had practically been glowing at that moment, and she had wanted to tell Pippa to back off, to get away from her, so she wouldn’t hurt her, but she had found she couldn’t. Her father’s magic was hurting her so bad she couldn’t even speak. She had then seen Pippa doing what she had thought was the most careless and stupidest thing she had ever done. Pippa, running to her, had hugged her. She had whispered words, not even magical ones. And just like that, defying all the odds, Hecate had felt herself calm down. She had even felt safe.

But, as Hecate Hardbroom ever had known, luck hadn’t been on her side. Her glowing had drawn attention, and even the Headmistress had been involved. Pippa had tried explaining, in vain. And before Hecate had known what happened, she was back home and forced to be tutored at home, never seeing Pippa then again.

Back in the clearing, Hecate opened her eyes. That trip back down memory lane hadn’t helped. At all. Her hands started trembling, and as she brought them to her eyes, they were blurred. Her whole vision was blurred. She was going to do something bad, very bad. She knew it. Her entire body jolted, and she fell to the ground, gasping for her. The moonlight seemed to eat her, as she started only seeing white. She started to drift away, and just before she passed out, she recognised a voice calling her.

_Hecate!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we are, almost at the end of it  
> All mistakes are mine

The forest was really dense, Pippa struggled to find a path in. She tried to find Hecate’s one, looking everywhere for a broken in two branches, spread foliage, anything. She stopped in the middle of the woods. She needed to stop running everywhere, this wouldn’t lead to anything productive, she just needed, just…

Her gaze lost in the depths of the forest; she suddenly saw something. A small light, like a… fire? She hurried towards it, hoping it would lead her to Hecate, or at least closer to finding her. All she saw arriving was a bush. It had all been carbonised, except for a small part of it which was still burning. _This HAD to be Hecate._ No one was in this forest for sure, and the magical beings in this part of the country weren’t, as far as Pippa knew, fire creatures. She looked around to search for any other clue. She squinted to see something black, barely gleaming with the moon. She took it in her hands, turning it over and over, only to discover it was a piece of fabric. A small one, torn from a bigger garment… _Hecate’s dress_. As she was remembering, Hecate’s dress was still black, yes, but lighter somehow. It was, well, hugging her waist, quite wonderfully actually, and the whole dress made Hecate look… elegant.

It was definitely Hecate’s dress, and the bush had been ignited by her, Pippa was quite sure about that now. It meant… Pippa knew Hecate wouldn’t burn down a plant to get back a stuck dress, so it was unintentional. That frightened Pippa even more. She wasn’t afraid of what Hecate could do to her, never, but of what she could do to herself. She remembered still clearly the time at school her Hiccup lost control. She didn’t know -and still doesn’t- why she did. But it hadn’t mattered, not at this time. Pippa had helped her friend, even when Hecate wouldn’t. It had been, she had to admit it, scary at first. So, she could not have remotely imagined what her friend could’ve felt.

It had been that time when they were together in Pippa’s room, Hecate was reading, and, Pippa, well, _running on a schedule_ , as she always said, and a great part of that schedule was dedicated to observing Hecate, but that she didn’t have to know. She had rolled over her bed, next to her friend and asked if she had ever been in love. Then, as the black-haired witch responded she actually may be, Pippa felt a small pinch at her heart. It wouldn’t be her, but Hecate was happy, and that mattered. She then had proceeded to name all the boys in the school and then discovered Hecate actually liked girls. That had ignited something in her heart, knowing it could still be her. Trying to figure it out, she had thrown a ton of questions to Hecate, like she always did, and her friend had become red, and then pale, and excused herself to her room. When Pippa had followed, worried Pippa could be sick, and just as she had asked if she was okay, she heard her best friend let out a pained noise. One Pippa never heard, from anyone. It had seemed too painful, she had wanted to help, but Hecate had locked herself. Out of anger and pain for her friend, Pippa had managed to open the door. There, she saw Hecate, her Hiccup, curled up on the floor, her face distorted by pain. She had practically begged for Pippa to stay away, but she couldn’t. She had then hugged her, and managed to calm her best friend, just like that. Then… then Hecate had flown away, for almost 30 years.

Shaking her head, she came back to reality. If Hecate was out there in that state, she knew she would hurt herself. She cast a locator spell to find her friend and followed it. After moving a few branches blocking her view, she landed in a glade. The moon was glowing all over it, and in the middle was…

“Hecate!”

She saw her friend body, bathing in the moonlight, her dress floating around her, ripped up to her hip. Hecate was… floating, slightly above the ground. She truly looked like a goddess. Like Hekate, actually, exactly so. The goddess of magic, witchcraft and of the new moon. She was beautiful, if only she had any control over what was happening. Pippa was cast out of her astonishment when her friend’s body started glowing more, and she hardly fell on the ground.

Pippa then ran to her, not caring about any consequences. She kneeled, facing her, and took her face in her hands. “Hecate, look at me”, she started, “please, Hiccup, please, come back to me...”. Hecate was really shaking now, her entire body shivering. Pippa took her in her arms, laying her on the ground, and placing her head gently on her thighs, close to her belly. And then, she waited. She waited, sobbing, whispering to Hecate, begging her to come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like these are not long AT ALL... Is it just my conscience hating me again or ???

**Author's Note:**

> Please please leave a comment, or hit me up on Tumblr @allthosegaywitches


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